Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Decide

What do you want to do with your life? Everyone wants to be healthy, safe, and relatively happy. They want their loved ones to be healthy, safe, and relatively happy. But what do YOU want out of life? This question has been plaguing me for weeks. What do I want? I am afforded options. I have directions and paths to choose from. Soo, what do I want? In a perfect world – I’d whine about my first world problem. I’d cry to friends and expect sympathy – but I am out of sympathy. I’m especially out of sympathy for myself. I feel like I’m out of sympathy for others, at times, as well… I have lain awake nights, recently, pondering this. Pondering my “dilemma” and next steps… What do I want? What DO I want? What do I WANT?

Here is what I know: We’re all gonna die. That much is a given. No one gets out alive, ever. And, for the most part, as a general rule, we don’t get to say when. We don’t get to say how. We don’t usually have the luxury of choice in death. That may seem sad, but I think it is kind of comforting to know that the one great constant, and one great “leveler-of-persons” is death. No, it’s true – we don’t get to decide. But, we do get to decide how we’re gonna live.

So do it. Decide.

Is this the life you wanna live? Are you a stranger in your own life? Are you participating in the navigation of your own life? Are you happy? Do you like yourself? Do you want to change? Is this the person you wanna love? Is this the relationship you wanna be in? Is this how you treat your partner? Is this how you allow yourself to be treated?

Is this the best you can be? Can you make better choices? Can you love yourself enough to decide what you will and won’t allow yourself to suffer? Can you be stronger? More steadfast? Consistent? Bolder? Wiser? Kinder? More compassionate?

Decide. Take a deep breathe in. Breathe out, and then… decide.

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