Er. Ma. Gurd.

How To Properly Break Up... With a Psycho

Gay men and lesbians everywhere have been struggling. Not just struggling to survive, or have some semblane of equal rights, but also to get married. We've been so busy trying to be treated fairly and equitably, that we forget that sometimes... the right thing to do is to end a relationship.

Now I, personally, want the technical right to marry, but I don't know if I'll ever exercise that right. However, I have exercised my right to break up - thankfully - many times. And that's what this blog is about...

Unfortunately, not every guy out there takes rejection well. Or with a modicum of dignity. Some can't handle it and may, in fact, go crazy. Out of their head. Off the deep end. Some live in the deep end. You know the types... guys that want to go through your phone, guys that don't want you to look in their closet, or their house, or their freezer. That's a red flag. Don't ignore the gossip about your boyfriend or his exes! Heed those warning signs! If he brags about how he put sugar in an old trick's gas tank because he snubbed him, run! If you hear about how he set his exes bed on fire... with his ex IN it, run!

How to Break Up:

1. If you need some help in quips or one liners to get the conversation started, go here.
2. Do it in a well-lit, well-populated public place. Have friends nearby or be surrounded by people you will never see again, just in case it gets ugly. It will probably get ugly, so drop your pretension and your pride - just go to the ugly.
3. Maybe you don't want to do it in person AT ALL. If you are that kind, then there is a website that can help you by sending a form letter to the person that is no longer the object of your affection.
4. Don't do it at home, but if you MUST do it at home, hide the sharp objects.
5. Flatter him. And for ONCE in your life, at least try to sound sincere and don't crack up as you tell him that it's you, not him. That he's too good for you, etc.
6. Change the locks. Seriously. http://www.fondrenlocksmith.com/ @fondrenlock from Twitter does a GREAT job of locks. He's very reasonable AND he's a super nice guy.
7. Apply for the Federal Witness Protection Program.
8. File a restraining order.
9. Move. Change your identity.
10. Fake your own death. Hold a funeral. Write a fabulous obituary about yourself and have it run in the local paper. Now, when I Googled "How to Fake Your Own Death" the list of responses was HUMOROUSLY large. There were 6.5 MILLION responses. And my favorite is the WikiHow.
11. Join a gang. Have that gang beat the ever living shit out of him. Of course, you'll need to prepare to die young, since you are in a gang now.
12. If all else fails, bring in The Closer. Bring the heavy hitter, the sharp shooter, the final word: Have your mother break the news to him. Tell your mom that you think you might not be gay anymore and he just won't leave you alone. She'll LOVE getting to do it. :)

However you end up breaking free and getting away from your crazy soon-to-be ex, good luck!

Cheers!
#JustBeingMichael

I'd Rather Have...

Howdy, Readers -

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love good stories. If my papaw was still alive, I'd just love to be able to sit for hours and listen to him spin tales. He was a master at telling you a story, taking  break, and then finishing the story with a twist. He reminded me of Paul Harvey in his ability to sit around a table and talk. Because of him, and folks like him in my family... I like stories. More to the point - I like to collect them. I like weird ones, ones with unexpected ends, happy ones, sad ones. I absolutely LOVE true ones, historical ones, and family history stories. I like the tall tales, too. He could spin some tales from hunting and fishing, or about his parents, or days overseas in the military. But I loved them all... And because of those stories, I also began listeing and collecting stories outside of my family and those that struck a chord with me. Some of them are heartwarming and I like to tell those or share those stories. One such story is about a gospel songwriter named George Beverly Shea.

George Beverly Shea was a quite famous and prolific songwriter that worked for many years on the Billy Graham crusades. He was a singer, and nearly half of all of the hymnals in America have his work woven throughout them. There are countless songs he's written, recorded and that have been covered by recording artists the world over.

"Bev Shea was attening the Bible School in Ottawa (Ontario) where I was teaching. He loved to sing. After more training in New York City, he was given and audition at one of the radio stations and was offered a contract. He asked that he might sing Gospel songs. He was told that he might use one occasionally, but he would have to use the songs on the Hit Parade.

What woud he do?

Well, his mother was praying and on a Saturday night, she placed a poem on the piano. In the morning, he composed a tune for the poem. One verse was: "I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold: I'd rather have Jesus than worldwide fame; I'd rather be true to His holy name!"

Bev turned down the contract.

A short time later, he was offered a position with a Chicago radio station where he might sing the Gospel songs he loved. While there, he met Billy Graham. The rest of the story is well known." -- R. Barclay Warren

Now, George Beverly Shea not only took that little poem, he wrote a song from it and it is one of my favorite gospel songs of all time. It is a staple on the Southern Gospel Quarter circuit, and it's been done and arranged many ways by choirs, quarters, soloists...

I'd Rather Have Jesus
(1) I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold
I'd rather be His than have riches untold
I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I'd rather be led by His nail-pierced hand.
CHORUS:
Than to be the king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin's dread sway;
I'd rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.
(2) I'd rather have Jesus than men's applause,
I'd rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I'd rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I'd rather be true to His holy name.
(3) He's fairer than liles of rarest bloom,
He's sweeter than honey from out the comb;
He's all that my hungering spirit needs,
I'd rather have Jesus and let Him lead

Dallas: Episode Three Recap and Thoughts...

Hello Readers...

As we open this episode of the amazing Dallas, we see JR getting an old fashioned shave. Like from a barber. He and John Ross are talking about everything, and in my opinion...they are sharing a little too much in front of the help. But, whatever. JR gets up, takes the razor from the shaver and lets John Ross know that he is aware of his double crossing, and that Marta, in fact, isn't Marta... John Ross has a look that means he has just shit inside his sexy, sexy pants... and JR has a look that lets him know that he is still the boss. The old lion isn't ready to relinquish his hold just yet. JR's BEST QUOTE: "I learned to fear my daddy." *said while holding a razor to his son's throat*

The next scene either pissed me off or bored me. It's just the creepy brother and sister that have no plot just yet. Blah, blah, blah, shooting bottles. We, as the viewers, won't even know the plot for them until later or probably season two. So... whatever. The lame part is that she is obviously she is falling for Christopher. Poor dumb girl. Why can't bad guys just stay bad? Why do they always have some moral crisis and tear up. And then their creepy sibling reminds them to stay on course. And give them beer. And besides...Christopher is too wrapped up in his ex and their "fraking" to know he's been had.

OK, I will give the old goat this: He's my favorite character from the 80's and from the first three episodes, so far. JR Ewing is quite amazing. And I love me some Larry Hagman. That evil grin, those eyebrows that can act better than Jesse Metcalfe. The next scene we see JR, John Ross, and "Marta" meeting with the REAL buyers of Southfork, the Venezuelans that are fronting them the money under the guise of "Del Sol". JR already knows the truth, and he quickly renegotiates the deal. He is quite amazing. The head Venez-guy tries to test JR, and here is the 2nd BEST QUOTE: "You wanna know the best way to know a man? Talk to his friends and his enemies. My friends? They're in the State House. My enemies? Well, they're gonna be harder to find." I almost spit out my Riesling in the hotel room.

Yawn, the next scene is a tearful Ann twitching next to Bobby in a Doctor's office. Seriously, Bobby's main concern with his cancer treatment is the fact of hair loss? And Bobby is not gonna sell Southfork? Well, that throws a wrench in John Ross's plan to steal it from both Bobby, and his father JR, now doesn't it? Whatever will they do? And not for nothing, but JR just makes the show with his evil, evil ways... you have to love him. So, JR is already making nefarious plans to move back into Southfork. He had is "doctor" call Bobby to state it would be better for his "recovery" to live back at his family home. His doctor was a nursing home patient that wants a steak and a big tittied blonde. Nice. JR gets home. No party, no welcome wagon. He seems kind of disappointed, but in all reality, he shouldn't be too concerned. However, even JR lost his poker face when he walked into Bobby's study and saw.... CLIFF BARNES?? Oh, SHOCKER: CLIFF BARNES is BACK??? OMG And he wants to buy Southfork? Bobby said no, of course, but JR wasn't even somewhat pleasant to Cliff. He noted the years had not been kind, and Cliff and he shot barbs at one another. Which brings me to JR's THIRD BEST QUOTE: "I'll be there when they lay your miserable body in the ground. Listen close, now, I'll be the one dancin' on the dirt overhead." I nearly clapped that's such a good quote. I want that on a tshirt. I want to wear it, I want to have a nemesis JUST so I can say that in a conversation. The line is that good.

Oh, yawn... we are forced to see the crazy, boring and somewhat confusing Rebecca beg the boring, confusing, and hungry looking Elena to be friends. Obviously, this is a ruse of some sort and its not sincere, but we won't know/don't care just yet. Elena is busy being a part time scientist/driller/whore/good girl. And while Sue Ellen is buying her some oil leases, Christopher is using her to mine methane from the ocean floor without causing earthquakes or tsunamis. *I took a nap for a while* So, boring, the creepy wife/sister wants to be friends with that Hispanic girl from the Fast and The Furious. She always looks a little bit like she's hungry, or that she's expecting the worst. Her caps are great though. Oooh, a twist I didn't expect was that Cliff invites Christopher to dinner. They never even get to eat. It moves that fast. Cliff offers Christopher money, and Christopher sees right through that because of the Barnes and Ewing feud. This part kind of made me sad because Cliff REALLY does look like shit. JR was right about that. Also, what I noticed is that Rebecca, Christopher's wife is clueless. She just looks like she can be swayed to do anything. And, she looks like Denise Richards. Well, a Denise Richards with better groomed eyebrows. Obviously, it's complicated.

During the commercial I ordered room service. I had Bistro 300 and it was an amazing chicken/avocado sandwich with Riesling and a side of fruit. Watching Dallas made me want a large red meat steak and bourbon. I miss the excess of the 80's Anyway, commercial over. So, Ann, Bobby's wife, is walking around and catches JR in the barn's storage room. He is looking through old boxes and reminiscing. Ann, being Ann, hears a noise and pulls a gun... Which gives JR's FIFTH BEST QUOTE: "Guns don't seem to have much of an effect on me, darlin'." At that point, I put my wine down and just did a slow clap, by myself, in my hotel room. Good night, that was amazing! So, JR finds Miss Ellie's old journal and gives it to John Ross to begin looking up dirt. He tells him two great things: SIXTH BEST QUOTE: "You are gonna show Bobby that you are my son, tip to tail." This one I just liked. Even though my own father and I don't get along, I am just like him, so that made me nostalgic and it sets up the next scenes for JR, John Ross, and Bobby. AND then in an immediate gift of the writer's for JR, we hear his FOURTH BEST QUOTE: "Nobody gives you power; Real power, is something you take." JR says that his daddy told him that. But I doubt Jock Ewing ever really said that to him.  Miss Ellie would have killed him, even though he died in that South American plane crash.

The next scene is dull. It's Christopher and that Rebecca girl, just talking. Yawn. Although, is it just me or is Jesse Metcalf looking a little bloated compared to Joshua/John Ross? That boy is gorgeous. Evil, ambitious, and gorgeous. I think I just might be on the JR/John Ross team. Talent and looks-wise, at least. We immediately get to see the results of JR's digging in storage. He hands John Ross a diary of Miss Ellie's, and John Ross is using it to full advantage. Although, it is brown leather with hammered silver accents. Really, Texas-style. Good Lord, some of the wardrobe and sets are really gonna play up the 80's BIG TEX style, and Shepler's Catalog will be back in business, y'all! John Ross comes in, argues with Bobby about Miss Ellie and her mental state over Jock's death, AND is going to file an injunction. JR and he argue, and JR slaps John Ross, the argument is set up, but you can tell from John's face that he didn't expect to get hit by his daddy... Aww... his poor eyes. Bobby immediately decides to sell Southfork again so that the family won't be torn apart over their home and money. Poor things... Christopher finds out that Bobby falls for it and tries to sell Southfork, which pisses Christopher off because of not only his lack of faith, but also the cancer he didn't tell him about. Mistake, Bob… mistake. And then Christopher and the cook's daughter, Hungry Elena, kiss by accident. For five minutes. He's a newlywed. Classy, Christopher… and you worried that you weren't a Ewing!

John Ross takes some cash to the lawyer, who takes the cash, then asks for more.... millions more. And then the lawyer says Bobby isn't selling. Jesus, this has more twists than Whoopi's hair! Even after that little bit of shellshock, he takes the cash. John Ross just can't win.

To be really, really rich from oil and land, their bedroom at this fabled ranch is quite plain. Blue with some stars as a headboard? Ann needs some help in the decorating business. Where are her gays at? She needs to really rethink that. Also, unrelated to my rant, but integral to the show, Bobby and Ann know more than they are letting on. Bobby knows it was JR that gave John Ross the diary, and he just wants them to all get along. Blah, blah, blah... He's no saint, either. He and Ann pillow talk. The show ends with John Ross talking to his dick - his private dick. He couldn't be helpful on finding any dirt on the lawyer, or the witness to the the lawyer's son's DUI killing, but he DOES find out WHO sent the infamous email that broke Christopher and the cook's daughter Elena up! It was Rebecca that sent that email so long ago... Rebecca, his current wife!

Stay tuned!

Cheers,
#JustBeingMichael

Smile...

One of the most common things people share is a smile. It is one of the easiest things to give someone. Usually, when I am happy, I smile. I also smile when I'm nervous. Sometimes, I smile when I'm conveying superiority. "Smiling is innate and appears in infants almost from birth....The first smiles appear two to twelve hours after birth and seem void of content. Infants simply issue them, and they help parents bond. We respond; they don't know what they're doing. The second phase of smiling begins sometime between the fifth week and fourth month. It is the "social smile," in which the infant smiles while fixing its gaze on a person's face."

Proverbs 15:13 "When people are happy, they smile, but when they are sad, they look depressed." GNTD

I love reading Proverbs, but I don't know if the physicality of a smile is that simple. Smile=Happy, Sad=Frown. People tend to be very "poker-faced" these days and in this society. And it's true that people smile for all sorts of reasons, only one of which is to signal happiness. Ekman describes many kinds of smiles, from the "felt" or true smile to the fear smile, the contempt smile, the dampened smile, the miserable smile, and a number of others.

Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Natural History, says, Whatever their origin or motivation, smiles have a powerful effect on us humans. As McNeill points out, "Though courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and nonsmilers guilty, they give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the 'smile-leniency effect.'"

"If you see someone without a smile, give them yours!" -- Dolly Parton

Regardless, today is Friday. It's a good day. So, SMILE!

Cheers,
#JustBeingMichael

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark

What is scary? What are you afraid of? What really creeps you out or makes you cringe? Are you a "scaredy-cat"? Or does anything get to you? I love being scared. I don't love it in the exact moment, but I love watching a scary movie. I love someone surprising me or jumping out. I love the idea of being scared.

As I have matured, the typical horror and gross-out things don't really scare me these days the way they did when I was a child. There are few things that shake me to my core from the typical horror genre.

Maybe it's my age. Maybe I have just learned that mostly: Whatever happens, happens. I prepare, do my best, pray and hope for the best. What can fictional monsters do to me? What can my imagination and my own fear do to me? Nothing...

Proverbs 13:6: "Righteousness protects the innocent; wickedness is the downfall of sinners."

I can watch a movie about a Freddie, Michael or Jason and not react nearly as badly as I would have, when I was younger. But a movie about a man kidnapping someone for torture (a 'la The Last House On the Left) freaks me OUT. Why? Because people are crazy and hateful and there is a much greater chance of some redneck fool attacking my baby sister, than there is of a metaphysical dream warrior seeking revenge generations later for his horrible burns, through magic and fear. Or that's the way I see it. Straw Dogs = Freak me out. The Hand That Rocks The Cradle = Freak Me Out. Changing Lanes = Freak Me Out. But something like... The Others, or Red Riding Hood, Devil, Amityville, etc... Those don't scare me. Those I can deal with... the fantasy of evil and being scared. Real evil exists. And it will creep into your house.

Most things don't make me cringe. I think seeing what I see at work everyday, working in healthcare, and government, and defense... you loose some sensitivity to surgery, picures of organs, etc. You lose some sensitivity to collateral damage and to working on saving the most viable of things. But some things that conjure thoughts STILL make me cringe. For instance, I was given a link to look at today, by a gentleman of some repute I follow on Twitter .

It was about a Korean woman that was eating calamari. When she was eating, she noticed a terrible pain in her mouth. She immediately spit the food out and went to the doctor. What they found is quite horrifying. The woman, when she went to the hospital, had to have removed a dozen "small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva." Yes, the dead squid's spermatophores were still active, and they'd inseminated the woman's mouth.

Okay, THAT makes me cringe. It's something that could happen. Maybe it won't happen to me, and probably not at my local Ruby Tuesday's or Outback Steak House... but it COULD. And that makes me cringe and close my eyes. It also reminds me of "Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark" and the entire series. The one about the spider that laid eggs in the womans face and they began to crawl out... AND the illustrations from that book series were so surrel and creepy for the 80's/90's.

So, what scares YOU?

Cheers,

#JustBeingMichael

Beyond the Vote...

Hey Y'all...

I have seen several people on Twitter, Facebook, and other blogs clamoring on about this or that in politics. And it IS an election year. I, myself, am not what I would considered "overly" political. Meaning - I keep up with politics, and I have my political views, but generally, I am non-partisan, and I keep my beliefs to myself. I vote. I vote with my civic duty and right as a citizen, I vote with my wallet, I vote with my support and my charity, I vote.

But... it gets muddy. HOW should I vote? Who are the people that represent me at the higher levels of government? Do they really represent ME? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. But the important thing is to KNOW and then to ACT.

As constituents, heck... even as PEOPLE... Please get to know your representatives in local, state, and federal government. Aim to understand thier positions on issues that you care about. Keep a document with all of their contact information on your home computer so you can reach out to them regrading important issues. Encourage your neighbors and your friends to speak up, as well.

• You can get going by looking here: http://www.congress.org/. This is an excellent, non-partisan site that encourages regular folks like me to research and understand what my local and national leaders are doing.
• You can also use helpful things like this: http://congress.org/congressorg/state/main/?state=MS&view=myofficials to determine who your elected officials are. After I found out who mine where, I also created a list on Twitter to follow my national leaders and my local leaders. It's a good way to see a snapshot of what they are putting out there on social media.
• You can also find out YOUR elected official's voting record to help you determine what you need to raise your voice about, and how you need to vote: http://votesmart.org/ I like this site because it shows me the voting record of MY elected officals and helps me know what is going on, how my state legistlature voted, how my representatives at the national level voted, etc.

Cheers,
#JustBeingMichael